EP REVIEW: THOSE FUCKING SNOWFLAKES – STRAIGHT WEALTHY WHITE MALE SUFFRAGE

There are bands that use allusion and metaphor to weave lyrics with a golden thread throughout their songs but if Straight Wealthy White Male Suffrage is your first introduction to the band Those Fucking Snowflakes (TFS) you will be unsurprised to hear that I am not going to be using words like subtlety or phrases like “…this song hints at”. TFS have eschewed allegory for the lyrical equivalent of a claymore trained on the targets of their ire (and they have plenty of ire to go around): Boris Johnson, Trump, Morrisey, sexists, the sarcasm of meat-eaters and more. The five titles on the EP do not attempt to obscure their subject matter: ‘Weak Men Fear Strong Women’ (bringing the world the fantastic portmanteau word ‘masculin-fantiles’), ‘Boris Johnson and the Big Red Bus of Bullshit’, ‘Meat Is Murder But Morrissey’s A Dickhead’, ‘Carnibores’ and ‘Tangerine Pirate of the NHS’.

My abiding feeling is that preaching to the choir at polite dinner parties or sharing memes of injustice via social media echo chambers will only get you so far and it feels good to know These Fucking Snowflakes are out there deploying a 1000 volts through the civility of discourse. The shortest route between two points is often through something and TFS are a roadblock busting sonic juggernaut. This isn’t just an EP of worthy polemic with catchy song titles it is made up of five cracking songs, a roiling sea of heavy, heavy chords, swirling riffs and screaming vocals with occasional moments of calm like the tender refrain of “Fuck you, fuck you Boris Johnson” at the end of ‘Boris Johnson and the Big Red Bus of Bullshit’ which is almost a love song to how much they hate him. I also loved the Pirate-themed opening to ‘Tangerine Pirate of the NHS’. It’s like the Cardiacs and Crass had a very angry baby.

Those Fucking Snowflakes - Sausage Rolls

I was going to quote liberally from the fun and ferocity of their lyrics, but it occurred to me that there’s no point in reading my take on it when their lyrics are crystal clear and diamond hard. I wholeheartedly agree with their politics and admire the fearless way they put them across so my advice is strap on some headphones, turn up the volume, assume the brace position, and let Those Fucking Snowflakes scream their truth right into your psyche while reading the lyrics re-printed below.

Review by Paul F Cook

Only Weak Men Fear Strong Women

Only weak men, fear strong women

They fear a world that no longer needs them

Fragile egos, with nothing to offer

Incels, smug grinned dinosaurs – get gone

You cannot claim that your shrivelled sack

Makes you greater than half the population

A persons merit is in all they do

Don’t put down those more capable than you

Over some – outdated notion of masculine – supremacy

Embarrassing the rest of us not devoid of rationality

Only weak men, fear strong women

bad jokes about them staying in kitchens

Pass archaic laws to govern the womb

Gloss over them being, half of that issue

Only weak men, fear strong women

They fear a world that no longer needs them

Fragile egos, with nothing to offer

Objectification, dehumanisation

Upbringing is no excuse, learned habits can still be changed

Upbringing is no excuse, learned habits can still be changed

toxic masculin-fantiles disregard those ‘so smug’ smiles

fully grown weeping babies

give it up toxic masculin-fantiles

Only weak men, fear strong women

They feel a need to dehumanise them

Excerting power with sexual intimidation

Have fun in prison Harvey Weinstien

Only weak men, fear strong women

They fear a world that no longer needs them

Fragile egos, with nothing to offer

Objectification, dehumanisation

 

BORIS FUCKING JOHNSON AND THE BIG RED BUS OF BULLSHIT

Giant lies on your fucking bus

Bullshit cunt you’re insufferable

Every word your ever say

Is another lie for personal gain

Everything you ever did

You fucked up and got away with it

THIS IS WHERE WE FALL APART

You led the weak with your deceit

Promised white supremacy

I truly do not give a fuck

About your ‘Ban The Burka’ shit

THIS IS WHERE WE FELL APART x2

Brexit was your snidest trick

A Xenophobic power grab

Every word you ever say is another lie for personal gain

Everything you ever did you fucked up and got away with it

THIS IS WHERE WE FALL APART

You led the weak with your deceit

Promising white supremacy

I truly do not give a fuck

About your ‘Ban The Burka’ shit

THIS IS WHERE WE FALL APART x 2

We’re all going to DIIIIIIIEEEE

Third world brexit UK

All because of Cameron’s greed

and your fucking LIES

AND YOUR LIES x 4

Fuck you, fuck you Boh-ris Jooohnssooonn

 

Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead

Right wing bitch, shake those saggy tits

Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead

Vegan Values, but no humanity?

Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead

Farage sexual fantasies

Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead

Racist Grampa jive those hips

Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead

not everyone prefers their own race no no no no

your musics great but you’ve ruined it all

Fa lah lah lah

by backing facist right parties, no no no no

Only caring about animals and people who are white

cunt cunt cunt cunt

there is a light that never goes out

and that light is your fuckin mouth

 

Carnibores

Animal cruelty is the human disgrace

Total lack of empathy, a stain on our race

But when I see what’s on your plate

I abstain from an opinion

But when carnibores find out I don’t partake

In eating corpses it drives them insane

Spitting out old tired lines

meat is murder, but murder tastes good

you clever little thing, never heard that one

the plants? What they have feelings too?

Stephen Fry would be proud of that un

I’m leaving more food for you

By eating the cows – so they can’t take it

Here’s you medal of wit, for that quip

It was so original and very well done

b b but bacon, b b but bacon

b b bellends, b b but bacon

b b but bacon, b b bellends

Find some new material

Or Does the lard restrict

your cognitive functions

Maybe you’re always just a dick?

 

Tangerine Pirate of the NHS

Trump Is Coming for Our Health Care system

Capitalising on Our Misery

Boris Sold Out?

To The Tangerine Pirate

Our NHS, the destitute will suffer

Prepare for cancer victims selling home grown meth

Because only the wealthy can afford the treatment

A privately funded patchwork of systems

Is coming to make money from those in need

the cost of medicine will skyrocket

The price wars wage as innocents die

Get your tiny orange pussy grabbers,

off our NHS – you tangerine dickhead

Keep your tiny orange pussy grabbers

off our NHS – spray tan moron

the Healthcare system in the USA

puts down the weak and keeps them in their place

So keep your five chinned orange bonce

out of our health care system

you fucking cunt.

 

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